Not Another Tear Shed
by lizzytizzy
Summary: A HHr oneshot showing Hermionie dealing with losing Harry, and in an act of desperation what she does to herself. Please read and review.


AN: Yet another song inspired one-shot. This one focuses on Hermionie recovering after losing Harry. Inspired by Kelly Clarkson's 'Behind these Hazel Eyes', but doesn't really follow the song at all. I don't own the song or the characters, but please read & review.

Hermione looked around her bedroom. She hadn't stayed with her parents for more then a week in years, but he she was, a year after graduating Hogwarts, back at home. Hermionies early childhood had been fairly uneventful, she always knew there was something different about her, and she loved being a witch, but sometimes she found herself wishing for the simple life she used to lead. Hermione wiped her eyes. She doubted she had ever cried as much as she had this week. Lately it seemed she did nothing but cry. She wished she could be celebrating the Wizarding World's victory with the rest of her world, but she had paid too much for this victory. She used to be so strong and stable, he made her strong, but now she felt so weak and feeble.  
_  
__Seems like just yesterday, __  
__You were a part of me, __  
__I used to stand so tall, __  
__I used to be so strong, __  
__Your arms around me tight, __  
__Everything it felt so right, __  
__Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong, __  
__Now I can't breathe, __  
__No I can't sleep, __  
__I'm barely hanging on,_

Hermione sat down on her floor and stared into her old Hogwarts trunk. It was filled with so many memories. She reached down and picked up the necklace he gave her last Christmas. The gem was green, like his eyes. He told her that's why he bought it, he wanted her to see it and think of him. He didn't know it at the time, but for some time that particular shade of green was, in her opinion, the most perfect color in the world. Hermione placed the necklace aside, and despite all attempts to stop herself tears were beginning to flow. She found herself thinking back to the day she confessed her love to Harry. It was the summer after their sixth year, and he had cornered her in Grimmuld Place.  
"Hermione, why does this matter so much to you? I can't go back to Hogwarts, I have things I need to do, you know this, I'm doing this to protect everyone, to protect you."  
"No!" Hermione insisted "If you were really protecting me you'd come back to Hogwarts, you... you can research if you have to, you don't have to go to class, just come, please. I - I need you there Harry." Hermione threw her arms around a somewhat bewildered Harry and did the most spontaneous and un-Hermione like thing she'd ever done. She kissed him. She kissed with years of pent up passion.  
Hermione smiled at the memory. It must have been some kiss. Not only did it convince him to come with her to Hogwarts, that kiss and many more like it kept them together for nearly two years.

_Here I am, __  
__Once again, __  
__I am torn into pieces, __  
__Can't deny it, __  
__Can't pretend, __  
__Just thought you were the one, __  
__Broken up deep inside, __  
__But you won't get to see the tears I cry, __  
__Behind these hazel eyes, __  
_

Hermione found her tears disappearing as she thought about those last two years. It wasn't long enough. It wasn't fair. He should be here. He should come in and fix this. He could fix everything. He should come back and see what his damn nobility had done to her. She didn't care what he had to do anymore. She didn't care that everyone else needed him. She needed him more. Hermione still couldn't believe it, Harry had always returned to her, why should this be different. He knew that she was sitting at home scared to death, waiting for his return that never came. She had put so much trust in him, she had given him everything. He couldn't leave her.

_I told you everything, __  
__Opened up and let you in, __  
__You made me feel alright, __  
__For once in my life, __  
__Now all that's left of me, __  
__Is what I pretend to be, __  
__So together but so broken up inside, __  
__'Cause I can't breathe, __  
__No I can't sleep, __  
__I'm barely hanging on,_

Hermione curled up on her bed and wondered if Harry knew what he meant to her. He must have, they were so close. She knew that he didn't go and get himself killed on purpose, but she needed someone to blame. She needed to be angry. If she was angry enough at him, maybe she could convince herself to stop loving him; maybe she could convince herself to forget all about him. Sometimes forgetting was easier. You can't miss something you can't remember. Hermione thought about this for a minute before realizing the solution. She picked up her wand and pointed it at herself. If she obliviated herself she wouldn't have to face the pain anymore. Hermione closed her eyes, ready to say good bye to all memories of Harry Potter.

_Here I am, __  
__Once again, __  
__I am torn into pieces, __  
__Can't deny it, __  
__Can't pretend, __  
__Just thought you were the one, __  
__Broken up deep inside, __  
__But you won't get to see the tears I cry, __  
__Behind these hazel eyes,_

As Hermione's eyes closed she caught a glimpse of her favourite green necklace. She sat there staring at it for what seemed like an eternity and slowly lowered her wand. Who was she kidding? She couldn't do this. Harry wouldn't want her to. Harry was gone, he lived now only in memories, and he deserved to live forevermore in hers. Hermione clutched her necklace and closed her eyes. She could live through the pain, she'd have to. It hurt her, it angered her, but she'd have to deal with it. Hermione felt the emotions bursting inside of her, and she screamed. She stood there, in the middle of her room on a Tuesday night and screamed. She knew she was acting like a toddler, hurling objects across her room, but she needed this. She needed the pain to go away.

_Swallowed me then spit me out, __  
__For hating you, I blame myself, __  
__Seeing you it kills me now, __  
__No I don't cry on the outside, __  
__anymore...anymore,_

Hermione collapsed onto her bed, exhausted. She felt hollow and empty of all emotion. She wasn't sure that it was any improvement over screaming and crying, but at least maybe, tonight, she'd be able to sleep.  
Hermione awoke the next morning, amazed to discover that she had actually slept through the night, her pillow wasn't even tear stained. Maybe she could move on. It was a new day, and even with her loss, there was much to celebrate.

_Here I am, __  
__Once again __  
__I am torn into pieces, __  
__Can't deny it, __  
__Can't pretend, __  
__Just thought you were the one, __  
__Broken up deep inside, __  
__But you won't get to see the tears I cry, __  
__Behind these hazel eyes_

Hermione got out of bed and cleaned herself up. Harry was gone, and he couldn't wipe away her tears anymore. Hermione told herself that no more tears would be shed over Harry Potter, and she was right, for although she spent every Halloween at his gravesite Hermione Granger would never again shed another tear, not even for her beloved Harry Potter.


End file.
